Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Song For Wagner

2 days later and the heartache is still very real. To help come to terms with this tradgedy I've 'written' a song. If you've seen the film The Hangover (2009) you'll know the tune...


A Song For Wagner;

What do Wagners dream of, when they take a little Wagner snooze.

Do they dream of holding Tigers? or Tesco Mary in her cat suit?

Don't you worry your crazy long hair we're gonna get you back to Dudley and your siamese cat.

And they we're gonna find our bestfriend Matt and then we're gonna make him win the X-factor instead.

Wag, Wag, Oh, Wag Wagner Wagner Wag Wag.

But if everyone votes for One Direction, well then we're s-hit out of luck.




Sunday, 14 November 2010

Making WK! in Fable 3

Fable 3 was released two weeks ago and I treated myself to the special edition which is a thing of beauty. Tied together in a faux leather 'book' with playing cards, extra content and a shiny coin it is definitely one of the classier special editions released recently.

I Still haven't had time to play it yet though!

Pre-order customers got a special code to use the Fable 3 Villager Customisation tool and have their creation downloaded into the game and your character can meet and interact with them.

http://lionhead.com/Fable3VillagerMaker/

The process goes, pick male or female, give your creation a name and then answer 5 questions each with 4 possible answers based around morality. The answer given determine the character of your villager. There are more than 5 questions in the villager maker tool but it randomly selects 5 for you.

Example;

There is a man dancing in the street, trying to raise money from passers by, Andrew WK says -

A - You dance beautifully. Wonder how you'll do with one broken kneecap?
B - Nice moves, but do you mind? I'm working this side of the street.
C - Bravo! Please take this necklace as a token of my esteem.
D - You really know how to move that body. What do you say you move it back to my place?

So I thought...Let's make Andrew WK a resident of Albion! If it's a revolution for the throne then I want the king of partying on my side!



First attempt:



'Andrew WK is friendly and agreeable. But because he is willing to act selflessly, others may take advantage of his good nature'

A reasonable start; WK is certainly friendly and agreeable. I just can't see him letting people take advantage though I guess it happens to the best of us.

'Quick with a coy remark or a coquettish wink, he likes nothing better than a good bit of saucy banter'

That's more like it!

'Andrew WK is interested in men only'

What?! Fable is trying to turn him into Andrew W Gay! I don't want my Fable WK to be winking at the enemy when we take on a horde of evil soldiers! Also that statement is kinda libelous and I don't wanna be sued. For the record Andrew WK is happily married; to a woman.

Ultimately a rather disastrous first attempt. And it didn't even show what he looked like! So Andrew WK Mark 1 was declared a failure and a second attempt was launched.


Second attempt:


'Andrew WK prefers to stick to the middle of society's morality scale. After all, sometimes righteousness is called for, but on occasion a bit of villainy can get results quickly'

Not sure about this. I can't imagine the great motivator would be all for villainy for quick results.

'Always quick with a sexy smile, an inviting comment, or a lewd innuendo, he is viewed by most people as an incorrigible flirt...though few are complaining!'

Sound more like Andrew WS!

'Andrew WK has been forced to adjust to an austere existence; he neither came from money or found much of his own'

I don't want my WK to be some skint homeless person. I'm not looking for a rich upper class WK but he works hard with all his business endeavours I think it only fair that he have some gold to splash around on parties and social gatherings at the castle.

Also looking like a mad steam punk inventor didn't help. Another failed attempt...third time lucky?

Third attempt;



'Andrew WK enjoys people, and they enjoy him. He believes he is doing right by his fellow citizens'

Never a truer statement! This is more like it!

'Known throughout the town as a flirt, he has a tendency towards the raunchy, which is admired and despised in equal measure'

Nobody despises WK! He is loved by all he meets.

'He abstains from conflict...assuming one's definition of 'abstains from' includes 'flees in terror'

One thing I cannot imagine Andrew WK doing is fleeing in terror. He might abstain from conflict but only because being in conflict results in less time to party!

'Andrew WK is well off, which in many situations is a very useful condition'

He's done well for himself yes. Quite the business man is Mr WK!

One question; Why does he look like a camp gypsy? Yes you can edit the look but first impressions are everything. Not a complete shambles but I still think we can do much better; one more role of the dice...

Fourth attempt;




'Andrew W.K. strives to do the right thing for the right reasons. He can be counted on to be good, even when faced with temptation'

'He is brave and stalwart, rarely blanching in the face of conflict'

'Andrew WK uses his carefully amassed fortune for clearly defined and meticiously planned goals, many of which relate to further increasing said fortune'

'When it comes to romance, Andrew WK is interested in women'

PERFECT! Every word true! I don't even need to comment.

Visually with the very limited options this was the closest representation I could make but it's close enough! Andrew W.K. sir, I will see you in Albion! Be ready to PARTY HARD!!!!


The finished product!

Friday, 5 November 2010

Call of the Weird - Wagner!

I like the X-Factor. But like my evening at the Happy Valley Racecourse in Hong Kong I've never backed a winner.

2004 I don't remember watching, which goes to show how memorable winner Steve Brookstein really was.

2005 my homeboys from the Boro Journey South stalled at the final fence with 3rd place.

2006 also saw a bronze medal for ex-heroin addict and rocker Ben Mills

2007 was the closest I got with the shock 2nd place finish for the riddler himself Rhydian, whos crown was cruely stolen from him by Leon Jackson; currently 'working on a new sound' after being dropped by Cowell.

2008 saw the latino heat of Ruth Lorenzo crashing out in 5th place.

2009 the year of Rachael ADEDEJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wasn't a vintage year. Danyl Johnson (4th) was my pick but mainly because his name reminded me of Daniel Johnston; musical legend and one of the best artists in the world ever! Fact. (Look him up if you've never heard!)

So this takes us to 2010 and there is only one band wagon I'm getting on. WAGNER!


I survived the disappointment of his initial failure to make it past the judges house stage and then marvelled at his inclusion as Louis' wildcard choice.

His singing voice is what we can only imagine would be the product of merging The Count from Seasame Street with Pavarotti. Velour for the ears!

The fact he looks like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler (2009) just adds to the brilliance! And really his story reflects that of Randy 'The Ram' Robinson. A once proud martial artist (who owned a tiger!) getting his second shot as redemption. I can just see Wagner diving off stage, elbow raised towards Cowell as the show fades to black. Did Wagner win or not? Does it matter?

The further Wagner get's in the competition the more slander stories appear in the press. Anti-Wagner propaganda! Cowell is scared. He saw what the people did last Christmas. He wants Wagner buried before it get's too serious. Now part of him will be loving the publicity. But the other part is terrified and Mr Music want's control back! I can imagine as it intensifys the headlines getting even more insane;

'Hilter listened to Wagner' (Technically true)

'Wagner is who the Dracula myth is based on'

'Wagner was on the grassy knoll'

So he's not got the best singing voice in the world. And if Wagner does turn out to be a fan of necrophilic bestiality or whatever then I'll throw my hands up in the air (sometimes) saying 'Wagner, you gotta gooooo'. Just remember the media dosn't make money from selling you the truth and as the russian proverb goes 'The Devil is not so frightful as he is painted'!

Vote Wagner; SyCo is gonna get your money regardless. Might as well get something fun out of the bargain!

Lets have another dose of anarchy for the festive season!