2004 I don't remember watching, which goes to show how memorable winner Steve Brookstein really was.
2005 my homeboys from the Boro Journey South stalled at the final fence with 3rd place.
2006 also saw a bronze medal for ex-heroin addict and rocker Ben Mills
2007 was the closest I got with the shock 2nd place finish for the riddler himself Rhydian, whos crown was cruely stolen from him by Leon Jackson; currently 'working on a new sound' after being dropped by Cowell.
2008 saw the latino heat of Ruth Lorenzo crashing out in 5th place.
2009 the year of Rachael ADEDEJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wasn't a vintage year. Danyl Johnson (4th) was my pick but mainly because his name reminded me of Daniel Johnston; musical legend and one of the best artists in the world ever! Fact. (Look him up if you've never heard!)
So this takes us to 2010 and there is only one band wagon I'm getting on. WAGNER!
I survived the disappointment of his initial failure to make it past the judges house stage and then marvelled at his inclusion as Louis' wildcard choice.
His singing voice is what we can only imagine would be the product of merging The Count from Seasame Street with Pavarotti. Velour for the ears!
The fact he looks like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler (2009) just adds to the brilliance! And really his story reflects that of Randy 'The Ram' Robinson. A once proud martial artist (who owned a tiger!) getting his second shot as redemption. I can just see Wagner diving off stage, elbow raised towards Cowell as the show fades to black. Did Wagner win or not? Does it matter?
The further Wagner get's in the competition the more slander stories appear in the press. Anti-Wagner propaganda! Cowell is scared. He saw what the people did last Christmas. He wants Wagner buried before it get's too serious. Now part of him will be loving the publicity. But the other part is terrified and Mr Music want's control back! I can imagine as it intensifys the headlines getting even more insane;
'Hilter listened to Wagner' (Technically true)
'Wagner is who the Dracula myth is based on'
'Wagner was on the grassy knoll'
So he's not got the best singing voice in the world. And if Wagner does turn out to be a fan of necrophilic bestiality or whatever then I'll throw my hands up in the air (sometimes) saying 'Wagner, you gotta gooooo'. Just remember the media dosn't make money from selling you the truth and as the russian proverb goes 'The Devil is not so frightful as he is painted'!
Vote Wagner; SyCo is gonna get your money regardless. Might as well get something fun out of the bargain!
Lets have another dose of anarchy for the festive season!
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